from Comedy to the CIA

The Walking Dead Homeland

I love The Walking Dead because it’s a show that knows what it’s about: personal relationships and zombies. That’s it.  There are zombies in the forest, zombies in the barn, zombies in the prison. Zombies everywhere. No matter what the personal drama is….I know I’ll get zombies. I’ll get a beheaded zombie, an eyeball stabbed zombie, a pitchforked zombie. The show doesn’t try to be what’s it’s not.  I know what to expect every time I watch an episode.

After every The Walking Dead episode:

1.) I resist the strong urge to run around the house screaming “Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick ” like I’m a barking dog.

2.) I want Old Man Herschel to adopt me so I can call him Pop Pop. Who doesn’t want a wise sweet Grandpa who wears a cool rat-tail, tied with a ribbon.

3.) I continue to hope (nay pray) that the season finale will bring a “Zombie Carl” in all of his oversized sheriff’s hat annoyance.

Seeing how great The Walking Dead continues to be only exasperates my frustration with Homeland, a show that started out so GREAT but downward spiraled into a confusing mess.  Writers seem so intent on taking audiences on an epic roller-coaster ride of plot twists and turns that they’ve ignored the core show elements: believable characters who make believable (ok, well plausible) decisions… and spy stuff. Lots of spy stuff.  The implausible storylines make characters so woefully unsympathetic that I believe the ONLY way to save Homeland is by taking a move from The Walking Dead playbook.

Here’s my pitch:

During an intense interrogation Saul kills Javadi. BUT not before Javadi bites him, slowly turning Saul into a zombie. Yes, a CIA zombie. (Awesome, you’re totally sold on this idea. But wait, there’s more.)

Due to Saul’s ever growing beard, no one can actually tell that the “King of Hirsuteness” is slowly metamorphosing into a badass zombie.  Unable to suppress his insatiable zombie appetite, Saul devours everyone in his wake: Quinn, Carrie’s dad & sister and all of The Brodys (Dana was the first to go, naturally.)  Every intelligence agency goes on high alert, desperately trying to find a cause for the copious amount of carnage.

Finally in a crazy jazz-filled montage, Carrie pieces together the clues on the huge “vision board” in her living room.  Amidst photos connected to thumbtacks connected to red string, Carrie realizes that Saul is a zombie and she heads to the secret wooded CIA safe house to confront him.  In a flash of magnificent manic twitchiness and tears, Carrie barges through the safe house front door to find Saul crouched in the corner eating his new analyst.  Carrie locks eyes with Saul and says “My name is Carrie Mathison, you ate my father – prepare to die.”

And that’s how I’d fix Homeland. You’re welcome.


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